Woman Lonely

Forty one. Independent. Financially stable. Career focused. Lonely.

Do you ever feel like you’re incredibly successful but completely hopeless at the same time?

I wake up every morning ready and eager to focus my time and energy on my job. So many tasks must be completed, employees to guide and boxes to check. The journey of being a successful woman takes up all of my time and most of my thoughts.

That is, until the sun goes down and I find myself alone.

Home is a safe haven for everyone, myself included. It’s where we can be our true selves, breathe slowly and decompress from the stress of the day.

For me, when I’m home, my thoughts consume me. Overwhelm me.

When I’m home there is nothing and no one to distract me from my deepest, darkest, most paralyzing thoughts.

I’m lonely.

I’m so fucking lonely.

During the day I crave the safety and silence of my apartment, yet when I’m here it gets the better of me. Of my thoughts and my demons.

I am forty one years old and I am lonely.

Friendships come and go when you’re younger, and that’s okay. It’s normal. As you age, true friendships become almost impossible to find and even more so to maintain.

Life happens. Family happens. Work happens, and before you know it, it’s been months and you’re so out of touch.

When I’m alone at night I get angry at myself for not nurturing the friendships I have. For not reaching out because I’m partly lazy and partly selfish.

But we can’t have both, now can we? We either fight the urge to hide away in peace, but with a stark emptiness, or we push out of our bullshit and nurture the friendships close to us.

It shouldn’t be a battle or a tough decision, but it is. Or at least it is for me. I struggle with the deepest depths of loneliness, yet won’t fight for more.

I’m forty one and I’m lonely, but I don’t have to be. And neither do you.

We have to do the work. Fight the selfish behavior keeping us separate from the friendships that will fill our souls. We have to push back against laziness and exhaustion and Netflix, to nurture the connections that will feed our lives forever.

There is a way to not be lonely. There is a way to not feel that missing piece of your heart. All it takes is for you to actively reach out and cultivate it. Netflix binge or not.

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